To find someone to have someone in my life to walk with and hold hands cuddle with late at night under blankets or across the bed sheets. I thought I would be happy by now with a small house with a dog and cat by the sea. Selling my art being my own boss. 

I never wanted a life of high school graduate get a job wake up, eat, work, eat, sleep. Repeat. Only working to pay for a house I only sleep in and food. Things that I would never use because I would be working all day. 

This event has changed me more then I thought it ever would. And I miss you so much. I wanted all of that with you. And now it has all changed I am trying something outrages. I am going to make this work. Because I do not want to sit around and wait for a boy to talk to me and hopefully get married. NO. 

I am taking control. This all hurts. I am the only one stopping myself. I can not get in the way.